


if love and hate were the same words (i hate you seoul)

by sominnies (huntressed)



Category: Infinite (Band), f(x), 내겐 너무 사랑스러운 그녀 | My Lovely Girl (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Kdrama, my lovely girl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 07:28:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17483801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huntressed/pseuds/sominnies
Summary: if there was anyone yoon se na missed, it would be shi woo. the last time she ever talked to him was the day before she left seoul to get the well-deserved break that she needed. she never talked to him after that, nor did she try to reach out, se na was perfectly content with watching his career prosper from afar.or the one where se na went away from seoul and spent her life in quiet solitude in seocheon, leaving away her feelings for hyun wook, but taking with her everything she felt for shi woo.





	if love and hate were the same words (i hate you seoul)

**yoon se na knew that she would be punching above her weight** if she ever continued her relationship with lee hyun wook. he was the ceo of the company she used to work for, that violates about a thousand business ethics. workplace relationships shouldn’t be done, nor should they ever be done between a former trainee and the _president_ himself. apart from that, well, he was so eun’s ex-boyfriend. it adds a lot of weight and guilt on yoon se na’s shoulders.

     so she did what she always do best, she ran. she ran and ran and never returned, only making sure that she kept in touch with joo hong and gong chul. she made them swear into secrecy that they would never tell anyone, most especially hyun wook, that she went away.

     se na really just needed this break from reality. choosing escapism over her own dreams would earn her an earful from so eun – if so eun was still alive – she should be living the life she wanted out there, and not living once more with these part time jobs that would never guarantee her another day. but what would she accomplish if she was plagued by all the memories of her sister and the man she loved? se na didn’t want that. so she escaped.

     it has been two years since she left seoul. she went to seocheon and got a job at a flower shop near her cheap apartment. the people have all warmed up to her at some point and she even got a pet cat just to ease the loneliness in her apartment. this wasn’t like the life she had back in seoul with joo hong, gong chul, shi woo, and hyun wook – but this was better than living with the guilt given to her by her romantic feelings for lee hyun wook.

     within those two years of living without the people she had grown accustomed to, se na found herself enjoying the peace and solitude of her quiet life in seocheon. none of the people there wanted her gone, nor do they want her to pay up a loan, they just let her be – they talk to her when they want to, and she talked to them back – se na wasn’t struggling to fit in seocheon, she just was.

     the quiet life she led allowed her to move on from hyun wook. what used to be the loud beating in her chest was replaced with nothing but fond memories that she knew will never materialise again. what they had was good while it lasted, and she didn’t regret any of it, but the guilt that came after was too much to bear that se na didn’t want to continue it any longer.

     hyun wook is nothing more than just a fond memory to her now.

     if there was anyone she missed, it would be shi woo. the last time she ever talked to him was the day before she left seoul to get the well-deserved break that she needed. she never talked to him after that, nor did she try to reach out, se na was perfectly content with watching his career prosper from afar.

     once, shi woo did a cover of the song he passed up. he mentioned it in an interview that tae woo’s song for the drama was supposed to be the title track for his single, until he decided that he wanted to go with dive’s song. he also mentioned that he regretted passing up yoon se na’s song.

     it made her heart flutter when she’d heard it, but yoon se na is not in that world anymore. she didn’t live in the world of idols, trainees, and handsome-dog-owners for presidents. se na’s life, although a little bit more uncertain, was simpler now. her only worry was going through each day with something to eat, and a roof still above her head.

     letting go of her dream seemed like such an easy task now. especially after all that she went through in seoul. she’s not sure if she would ever want to go through that again.

     plus, delivering flowers and helping with their arrangements was already something she enjoyed doing. se na didn’t want to ask for more. on the down days when she missed so eun, she’d go to the local cafe and play some of her songs for extra cash. she lived, and that’s what’s important to her.

     today was another round of flower deliveries to be completed. it wasn’t that much, but it was more than what she usually had to do every day. there was the usual delivery of centerpieces for the local restaurant (they loved their flowers fresh and they change the flowers in their vases every day), a delivery to one of the houses in the well-off neighbourhood a few blocks away, a few flowers for the local music shop whose owner insisted they keep a few flowers in the shop, and a few other deliveries. the weirdest one, however, was from a local hotel.

     se na got her bike (a bicycle this time, she’s sworn off scooters), and pedaled all the way to her destinations. she went from closest to farthest, just so the trip back would be faster.

     a waiter from the local restaurant received the delivery and he smiled a little too wide at se na as she hands her the payment. se na only nodded before proceeding to her next stop which was in the music shop. she stayed there for a while and browsed through the multiple albums, feeling her heart skip beats every time she’d encountered something from ANA. se na left after finding a cd with a song hyun wook wrote.

     the rest of her deliveries were scattered all over the neighbourhood and the heat of the summer sun inevitably made her sweat harder than she usually did. by the time she was at her last destination (the fancy hotel, the only fancy hotel in their small beach town), she had already unbuttoned her plaid shirt and allowed her tank top to peek through.

     “good afternoon! i’m here to make a delivery? it’s for room 615.” she greeted the lady by the front desk, who coincidentally, was the girl who lived in the same neighborhood as she did.

     she arrived just when the elevator was about to close, se na had to jog in order to stop the elevator from closing before she could get in. she was just in time, though, as the person who was inside had opened the elevator for her.

     “thanks. i thought i’d have to wait for the other one.” she’d said to the person who opened the elevator door for her.

     “yoon se na?” the voice had been all too familiar. she’d knew his voice anywhere. even if she didn’t have to turn to her side to see him, she knew it was him. the certain tone of his voice never changed whenever he called her name, even after two years, it was all still the same.

     “shi woo,” she didn’t quite look at him, just kept her gaze at the elevator door closed. her mind flashed back to their second meeting; an elevator, and se na’s delivery of lunchboxes. it was almost the same, like a parallel event in the same dimension destined to happen. she would have laughed if she wasn’t so surprised.

     shi woo pressed all the numbers to the elevator, earning a look of disbelief from se na.

     “it’s been two years. the most this elevator could give us before reaching your floor is five minutes. cut me some slack.” then he smiled, the kind of smile that made hearts fall to the floor. suddenly, she didn’t need to wonder why fans loved him.

she finally plucked up the courage to look at him.

     “i missed you, yoon se na. i really did.” he was staring straight into her eyes and se na didn’t know if she was going to crumble, or get built up suddenly by all this attention from shi woo that she’d ignored before.

     se na took a deep breath. she didn’t really know how to respond to all of this. it was too shocking for her to even respond properly, she just looked at him and that was basically it.

     “seoul isn’t really the same without you in it, and so is ANA. i would look at the practice room and i’d expect you to be there, but you wouldn’t. i know it’s been so long and i should have been used to it but your presence is just so… haunting.” he breathed out, like he had been holding all of those words for so long, “stop haunting me, yoon se na.”

     she bit her lip, “i wasn’t trying to. i only wanted to have a break. that entire industry is just… super toxic for me.”

     “you left without a warning!” his voice raised a bit, but not loud enough for her to consider it shouting. se na understood that there could be frustrations on his part. after all, they did spend an awful lot of time together.

     she only just realized that it was totally unfair for her to leave without saying anything to him, or letting him know where to contact her. in essence, yoon se na just dropped off the face of the earth to some random countryside, and shi woo just dealt with all of that by himself.

     “you didn’t even look like you wanted to leave until you did,” he added, his voice dropping down once more and then he looked straight to the floor.

     the elevator ride seemed forever. they ignored the stopping of the elevator between floors, and they ignored how people seemed to come and go as they move up the floors. at the elevator screen, it showed that they were just a floor below the one where se na should be. she could feel shi woo’s face harden, as though he was determined to keep her there.

     “don’t you dare stop this elevator.” se na told him as soon as he outstretched his hand.

     “chill out, se na. i wasn’t going to that at all. i was just about to do this,” and then he touched her cheek, he pressed his palm against her and se na couldn’t help but to press her face harder against his palm.

     “i’m sorry i never told you where i was going.” she let out the string of words she had been wanting to say ever since she saw shi woo’s face again. it really was unfair of her to leave him in the dust like that without a word.

     se na expected him to forgive her, to say something quite poetic and equally shocking, but shi woo pulled her in for a hug instead. his head was buried in her shoulder and she could feel every breath he took starting from the moment he touched her face.

     “now that i’ve found you, don’t you ever leave again.”

     se na nodded just in time as the elevator reached her floor.


End file.
